MY FATHER, MY MENTOR, MY FRIEND

In the process of editing the contributions in this brochure, I have read many accurate recollections by people who crossed Dad’s path during his sojourn on earth. These accounts are a fair reflection of the essence of Dad’s character.

An overview shows a man whose life was purpose driven. Dad felt that if you could not contribute positively to the lives of those around you, your passage through life would have been a waste. He led an austere life not given to wanton consumption or frivolity.

That purpose reflected an intimate awareness of a greater being to whom we are all accountable. He therefore placed great premium in his faith extolling the qualities of the Almighty and admonishing all to follow the right path. He supported the faith morally and financially and applied his talent in its defence. He inherited this from his father, the Seriki of Ikenne muslims. He also believed in the oneness of God, and respected and supported our Christian brothers as well.

He was very passionate about upholding the truth, justice and always stood shoulder to shoulder against those who would perpetuate injustice however “well-placed” they were. This passion is reflected in his total devotion to the legal profession and the Nigeria bar. He had deep empathy for the poor and downtrodden and identified with them. His, then, was a life of service to the ends of justice and in favour of the oppressed.

He hated dishonesty and had total dislike for fraudsters. He taught us never to covet another man’s property … that other man could be a corporation or government department or corporate entity. He believed very much in the law of retribution and that you would get your just deserts whatever the temporary seeming advantage.

He believed very much in hard work and there was nowhere around him for laziness. He was a disciplinarian to the core and relished his nationwide reputation in this regard; but he set even higher standards for himself and so all around him had to bear with the rigour!

Having said all that, you could not come across a more compassionate man. He did not place much premium on material things and if he had any surplus, it was the collateral consequence of brilliance and diligence. He did a lot of cases pro bono and could not refuse any genuine request for assistance from the needy particularly in terms of education, accommodation and medicare.

From those we knew as his friends you can estimate his personality; they were people like late Dr. Akinola Aguda, Justice Anthony Aniagolu, Z.O. Ososanya, Late J.I.C. Taylor, Justice Ishola Oluwa, Justice Y.A.O. Jinadu, Pa. S. Odugbesan, late Justice Michael Ogundare, Justice O. Olatawura, late Onafowokan, SAN, late Hon. Justice T.O. Elias, to mention a few.

And do you know he could not hurt a fly (except via legal submissions in the Court)? He was too well aware that all power belonged to God.

As a child I thank the Almighty for giving a father such as Dad. We, the children, were the very essence of his existence. Such was the extent of his loving and caring for his children and grandchildren, that I can state that his was the very definition of love in its purest form. It has been a rare privilege to have been his son, and I could not have been able to repay the debt if I lived to be a thousand years. Thank you God for giving us the treasure that was known as Kehinde Sofola, SAN, CON, while on his earthly sojourn.

Good night dear quintessential advocate, my mentor, my friend …

May the Almighty grant him aljannah firdaus.

THE FATHER THAT GOD GAVE US

God gave us a gift that lasted for 83 years. He was good looking, meticulous, and commanding. God’s gift “inspired” and demanded us to excel. When I was in primary school, I remember that Dad told us that we had to place 1st, 2nd, and 3rd in our class and no other position was acceptable to him. It was a tough order, but I believe it planted the seeds to excel. When academics got tough, Dad did not accept the concept of giving up. He kept me focused on my goals. When I was up nights studying for exams, Dad was at the other end of the table reading his law books. How could I not study? Dad did everything he could to pull us up to the level that he believed we ought to be. As for finances, Dad was financially responsible for his children. While other fathers often turned their back on their children during a separation with the children’s mother, this was never the case with Dad. Dad’s tremendous love for his children never ceased to amaze me. He searched for his lost children and never gave up on the weak and troubled. His love for us showed in everything that he did. Although he did not spoil us, we did not lack for anything. When any of us got sick, he was always right there, helping and comforting us. His favorite words to me were “God is in control”. Not at any time did I doubt his love, even when he dished out tough love. If you wanted to get on the bad side of Dad, you try and mess with any of his children and may God help you.

In his later years, Dad mellowed a little, and I remember him telling me that I was being too tough with my children when I was not half as tough as he had been with us. Dad’s sense of responsibility toward his community, his integrity, his humility, his compassion towards the less fortunate, his love of life and laughter, and the way he helped people are things that I will try to emulate and live life in a way that will honor him.

Dad did an excellent job of raising his children and I believe he was proud of us all. We are all professionals who are able to survive well in any society we find ourselves and we are all responsible members of society. In my last conversation with him, Dad said to me that he had lived a long enough life and that he was happy that his children were successful and in good places. When I asked him what we were going to do without him, he told me not to worry as he would always look after his children after death, just as his father was looking after him. It is hard to imagine him gone from this world. For me, he is everywhere still. He surrounds us all with love and is still guiding and helping us. God blessed us with a very special and unique father: It has been a pleasure and a privilege to be one of his children. The love he gave to us all of us was reciprocated in full. Till we meet again, my dear father, may your soul rest in perfect peace. I know all is well with him and all is well with us. 

God, we thank you for the father that you gave us.

WHAT A GREAT DAD YOU ARE

Some people have greatly influenced the person i am today.  None more so than my father.  All my life i have heard how I look like him, talk like him, smile like him, laugh like him.  Over the years, I have heard variations of the same theme, and I take those comments to be very serious compliments.  After all, we are talking a very good looking, well-turned-out, passionate, energetic, beautifully-created man.  A dynamic, charismatic, ever youthful, vital, virile and very engaging man.  Truly, it is a blessing from God to have those genes.  There are people who have chased after those genes, let me tell you.  Infact, there was one time when my father passed by while I was hosting a meeting with members of the Old Girls Association of my secondary school.  The agenda was derailed with exclamations about his wearing blue jeans, a sports shirt, sneakers, a peak hat and sunglasses.  They could not get over how young he looked.  However, these are only physical attributes.

More important is the essence of the man himself.  Some are privileged to have come close enough to him to have experience and benefited from that essence.  Others are blind to it and totally misunderstand who he is.  Many times that is because the heat of litigation has blinded them or their desires, sometimes thwarted desires, blind them.  Or the blindness was caused by a defect in their character.  If you come accross someone who badmouths Mr. Sofola, please be aware you are in the presence of a blind person.  I am not saying he is perfect: who is?  What I can tell you, having travelled this world a fair bit, is that Mr. Sofola is truly an extraordinary person.  A very rare person.

Since I have known him all my life, I can tell you about some of his attributes.  Others will corroborate, I am sure, so you will know that I speak the truth.  However, it would take a dedicated project to fully describe his attributes, so I will only touch on some salient ones.

He is a man who loves people.  Putting those two things together explains a lot.  He is compassionate.  His help of the downtrodden is done unpublicised.  He does not wait to be thanked. I have seen other people take credit and demand thanks because he helped someone, when he did not do so.  He is generous to people, even those that remian ungrateful after being helped, time and time again.  He does it not for them, but because God requires it.  He helps perfect strangers because he saw their need.  He does it even when people take it seriously for granted.  I will share a story: I was in the office once when a man from the village came with his son.  I overheard him say that his son wanted to be a pilot, and that he did not apporve of that choice because it was a dangerous profession to follow – seing how far from the ground planes fly.  However, he said, since his son would not change his mind, he had brought him so that Mr. Sofola could do the necessary and arrange for it to become a reality with all that entails traveling abroad, tuition, living expenses, you name it!  I could not beleive my ears.  Being very youn at the time, I wondered why they had not been tossed out with a flea in their ears.  Instead, I have seen him toss out people who came to that office with money believing he can be bought.

He is a very loyal man.  A true friend who goes the extra mile, always.  A man committed to family, to country, to community, to his place of birth.  He loves Ikenn and its people.  I have watched him invest time, money, effort to improve it often a thankless task.  He is a man who knows who he is, and celebrates it.  He is an African to the core.  He has always embraced his culture in a world where people are bent on imitating the culture of others at the detriment of their own.  When he graduated in law in the United Kingdom, he chose to wear his African clothes; he was the only black face in the picture, Margaret Thatcher was the only woman.  Anytime he travels abroad, he always wears his African clothes.  It is a matter of principle with him.  As another example of who he is, I offer the memory of one day at the Court of Appeal, Lagos, when some person queried his pronunciation of some English wor.  Unimpressed, Mr. Sofola reminded him English was not his language.  He knew the theme, “I am black and I am proud of it”, before James Brown sand his song.

He is fiercely independent-minded.  A warrior.  A soldier for principle.  A man who can and does speak truth to power.  Infact, he can be so frank that it has sometimes earned him opponents.  I always complain when people come to him to champion their cause, and then lend him no support at all.  Yet, if he believes in the cause, he is undeterred.

His love of fairness and fair play took him from being an engineer with the Nigerian Railways to becoming a lawyer and a champion for others.  That has married him firmly to law.  He truly loves the law.  Therefore, it is no surprise that he loves the Bar Association, the Nigerian Law School, law faculties, young lawyers, going to court, etc.  I can tell you he detests fiction: give him a fat, juicy record of appeal though, and you have his attention.  Even on vacations!  As for being a champion, I loved the way he backed the late Pa Tai Solarin in his crusade to fight the ills of society.  My favorite story is when Pa Solarin went to a police station with illicit gin and asked to be arrested because he and Mr. Sofola wanted to know why Beefeater gin was not equally illicit.

As much as God has blessed him with good fortune, he is not a man who has made running after money the core of his existence.  Good fortune comes to him by God’s grace, and he does not pay attention to materialistic things.  That is left for others.  He hardly remembers to spend money on himself.

Finally, I choose to highlight the fact that he made no distinctions between his sons and his daughters when it came to education.  In that, he was a man ahead of his time.  Later, the Beijing Platform for Action at the United Nations made that one of its recommendations in focusing the girl child.  I can remember the time he let my sister, then a teenage, secondary school student, drive his Pontiac into Ikenne: what a stir it caused.  All his children know that we had better aim for the top, for no excuses are tolerated.  Coming second or getting 90% was nothing to brag about, when 1st and 100% were there to be obtained.  The idea was to spur us on to even greater heights.  Anyone who has worked for Mr. Sofola knows that he is a disciplinarian and a perfectionist.  Recently, I met Mae Jamieson, the first African-American woman astronaut to fly to the moon.  It was interesting for me to note that she ascribed her success to her parents spurring her to achieve excellence.

So, you see, the physical attributes are not the most precious things I have received from Mr. Sofola.  His love and his values are the most precious.  He has made it possible for me to be a person that I am proud to be.  He has given me the wherewithal to know who I am and to make my own decisions.  Like him, I choose to be African.  And while money is good, I know there are more important things in life.  That is true gold in a world where people no longer know right from wrong, I thank God for the father He has given me.

REMEMBERING DAD

Writing about the enigma we all know as “Daddie” (within 24 hours’ notice) is a Herculean task to say the least. Barely 10 months after mummie’s demise, I’d never have believed that dad would follow suit and leave us orphan's, but nobody can question the All-knowing God.

Dad strongly believed in God and his life centered round his family and his cherished legal profession.God gave him the grace to fulfill his mission in life; hence he lived a robust and successful life. He was the one God used to bring the Sofola name into positive limelight.

Dad was blessed with extremely strong genes that ran through all his children! Once you see a child of his, you need no DNA test to ascertain who the father is! The face, stature, head, self- confidence, and strong character will do all that! Dad brought us up (male and female alike) to fear nobody except God and to be of impeccable character and integrity. I’ll buttress this with examples. About a year ago, I got an appointment from the apex financial institution and disengaged from it as a matter of integrity. I told dad about it a week later, showing him the backup documents. He looked me over, stretched his legs and said “Congratulations”! I didn’t understand his reaction (because dad can be sarcastic at times). He then laughed aloud and said, “You wouldn’t have been my daughter if you did otherwise”. To me, when the society saw my act as foolish, dad without knowing it, couldn’t have made me happier. That statement will forever remain indelible in my heart. I practically floated out of his office that day ready to take on the whole world! That was the kind of hold dad had on us all.

Ability to say the truth without any embellishment is another attribute I remembered dad for. That contributed to his being seen as a controversial person (especially in a society that is averse to such bluntness). Dad simply does not know (or care to know) how to “softland” the truth, he’ll simply say it without caring whose ox is gored! That attribute he’s again passed on to us and that can be tough (especially for the daughters) in a society where untainted truth where untainted truth is not well received.

Growing up, I remember the dad we all feared and revered” big time”! As we grew up, I realized that this warrior of a dad had the heart of a sheep after all. We sure collided at times (due to his blood running in me I guess!) but although he didn’t sloppily exhibit emotions outwardly, we all saw it in him and that further endeared him to us (e.g. I was stunned at the outpour of his emotions after he  recovered from surgery abroad years back).                     

Dad also believed in self-help. He often said his duty to his children ended with their education (although he went further) and often said hard work never kills. He enjoyed throwing us at the deep end of things. We often grumbled that dad would get up and do things for others but for us his children, we’d have to do it for ourselves! I remember while working as a bank’s treasurer years back, I asked him to help me secure some of his client’s accounts. What did dad do? He gave me his complimentary cards and told me to get my job done! Well, I did and he’d call me back later and say”Ayus! I hear you went to so & so Company today telling them that Mr. Kehinde Sofola wanted to see their MD?”! We’d laugh it over and I certainly got a lot of accounts that way.

Dad was happiest in the midst of his children and grandchildren. He also had a healthy appetite, loved dancing and regular exercises. He fore-bade smoking, beer drinking and keeping late nights and often said, “Eni a bi iire kin nrin loru”; hence none of us has any of those vices. He was extremely hardworking, a dogged fighter and loved to fight the cause of the down-trodden (often free of charge)

I thank God for the gift of a wonderful dad and for the sound legacy he passed on to us. Filling his shoes can only be possible through the grace of God. Thank you dad for teaching us to be totally independent and to stand our own against all odds.

Dad was no saint however but as nobody is perfect (e.g. highly successful persons will have their own share of sycophants around them) but I am certain that it is well with his dear soul and that his warrior spirit is jealousy guarding his children (even more now than in his life time!)

Adieu dad, till we meet at the feet of our Lord to part no more.

“AYUS” 

SIMPLY MISTER

How does one simply put on paper recollections of a man that has consistently referred to himself as Simply Mister Kehinde Sofola?

O.K. I will begin by saying that ‘Simply Mister’ is humble to a fault.  From him, I have learnt that humility is next to Godliness and I will continue to emulate that quality in him.

To him, education is the best legacy that any parent can leave a child, because unlike money, it cannot be stolen.  That I, Afolabi, have been able to obtain 1 diploma and 2 degrees with honours, to date, is a testimony to the doggedness of Simply Mister.  God knows that I gave this man one hell of a battle in his quest for qualitative education for me.  But today, I cannot thank him enough.

Simply Mister believes in the efficacy of prayers and has regularly demonstrated this in his lifetime through regular contributions to several mosques and churches, in cash or kind.

But for the never ending appeals from Simply Mister that I adopt a marital status, I will most probably still be a bachelor.  Today, I am happily married with 3 sons.

On a father to son basis, we have had cause to ‘fight’ regularly, but today, I can see that he meant well.

Good night, Simply Mister, I love you very much.  I am privileged to be your son and will sorely miss the vintage you.

God bless

GOODNIGHT MY DAD

I shall see you again when the sun sets. 

My dearest Daddy, how I wish I was not asked to write about your death so soon,   I wish instead that I was called to write about your 90th birthday.

I wish I could spend my summer months visiting you at Sloane Square, instead of leaving you at Ikenne all on your own. I wish I could still tell you I love you, instead I am bidding you farewell on a journey in which no one has returned. I wish you could still walk me back to the train station, with you walking so fast in front of me that I have to run to catch up with you, instead of running after you in my dreams and never catching up. 

Instead I spend my days thinking of what would have been. Daddy couldn’t you have held on much longer?  Daddy couldn’t you have fulfilled your promise to me? You said that you would live to be so old that you would use your gums to chew cola-nuts, you also said you would live long enough to see your children’s children grow up. 

I have always loved you in every situation that I have been through with you. You being alive and well was the only gift I asked God for.  If any one asks after you daddy I stay silent, because it feels strange to say that you have departed from this sinful world, because you are very much alive in my heart.  

When you fell ill last year, my views on life changed. I lost hope and felt all was lost, but you bounced back to life like a true Warrior. Daddy! What happened to that fighting sprit, what made it stop fighting? Now I know that the battle belongs to God,  if that be the case, then you have fought a good fight.  

I watched as you being laid to rest on the 29th March 2007, and waited by your grave to see you get up one more time, but if wishes were horses beggars would not only ride, they would fly too.  I walked away with a pain in my heart and tried to re-trace my life with you, but there were too many things to remember.  

Daddy, you were both a mum and dad to me, two for the price of one, now I have been left empty and sad.  When you meet my Mommie in heaven, Please say a big “THANK YOU” to her, there could never be another woman like her who would look after her step-daughter as well as she looked after me. GOODNIGHT to you both. 

Goodnight My Daddy, there could never be one as Wonderful as You. 

EULOGY OF MY DAD - KEHINDE SOFOLA

How sharper than a serpent’s tooth it is to have a thankless child. - Shakespeare (1564 – 1616) King Lear, I, iv, 321.

I was aggrieved about many things, but I agree and understand, on some.

From the minute I was born, I’ve always carried a burden. 

A burden we both shared at different stages of our lives, and in different proportions.

A burden who’s sizes inflated or deflated as it pleased GOD.

You sometimes took it out on me; I, sometimes, over-reacted.

Little did we both realize that the word of GOD shall come to pass, no matter how long or how far.

I’d like to thank GOD for the greatest gift a father can ever give a child the name. (SOFOLA). 

Your name is mine, and your traits are imbedded by GOD.

And it is my eternal wish to pass this on to my off-springs, as well, if it pleases GOD.

Even-though you answered the FINAL CALL without delivering the ‘message’ …,  it is well understood.

I cannot thank you enough.

Till we meet again, Adieu….!!!

ALWAYS AND FOREVER

When I think of my father, what I see is the clear image of an iroko tree standing strong and tall in the middle of a clearing. Like that tree, there are many branches, represented by his family, friends and the wider community here today. He has given shade and shelter to many of us, and like that tree, he only grew stronger and sturdier with the passage of time.

When I was much younger, as Daddy and I sat on the sofa watching TV he would, all of the sudden, grab me and tickle me with no mercy. I would scream, giggle and beg him to stop – eventually he would and then challenge me to tickle him. In all my years, I never found a vulnerable spot on his body where he was ticklish! Invariably I would give up, and each time Daddy would say, “Adefowora, mind over matter – you must discipline your mind to control your body not to react” 

Being highly competitive, like my father, I would go away resolved to pass the test the next time and to catch him out – I never did, but over time I learnt to discipline my mind to control my body. What might have seemed like a game between father and daughter was my father’s way of teaching me a principle that would shape me into the woman I am today. 

As I grew up and found myself in a myriad of challenging situations, it became a guiding principle. When, for example, fellow students were going out, having fun in school, I was studying for my exams because I had learnt to discipline my mind to control my body. In any situation, your head should rule your instinct; stop you from following the crowd so that you can live a life of integrity. This is how legacies are made; tributes written; and iroko trees continue to grow! 

Daddy, I will never forget our time together and your words will continue to instruct me. This is the time to be strong as you were and show that I am your daughter, a branch of that tree. 

I believe that you are now at peace. Until I see you again, know that you remain in the centre of my heart. 

All my love, always and forever.

MY FATHER, MY FATHER

“Anything worth doing at all is worth doing well”….and you lived by those words. A legal icon; a philanthropist; an arbitrator; a provider; a counselor; an inspirational leader; a man of principle. There aren’t enough words to describe you. You were many things to many people…but to me you were simply my dad. A man passionate about Nigeria, the rule of law, fairness and justice but even more dedicated to God and his family.

I’ll miss our walks and quiet times together. I’ll miss your keen interest in my well being and encouragement to excel in my chosen career. I’ll miss your frowns and your smiles. I’ll miss all of you. When I lack the strength to continue, I’ll remember your examples of diligence and discipline. When obstacles attempt to overwhelm me, I’ll reflect on your words of wisdom and counsel. When I encounter opposition and discouragement, your advice to “stand up for what you believe, even if you’re alone” will resound in my heart and in my mind. 

Your shoes can never be filled by another, but your good works and exemplary character will be live on through your children. We will continue to make the Sofola name proud, and emulate your love and support to family and generosity to the community.

Daddy, a man of integrity. You have executed your responsibility to God, country and family, more than a hundred fold. I miss you more with each passing day. I’m not as strong without you. There isn’t the time or the space to express what my heart feels on these pages, so I pray it comes through in my actions. And as I walk this journey of life, I’ll hold my head up high and feel proud when they point and say, “that is Kehinde Sofola’s last child, Kolawole”. 

May His peace be with you till we meet again. Love you dearly. Rest in gentle peace Daddy.